That One Thing I Tell Myself When I Feel The Urge To Have A Drink

Hi there!

I haven’t checked in with you all on my sobriety journey in a couple of months, and I apologize for that! Being an introvert at heart, it’s definitely hard to talk openly about my sobriety journey at times, but if my story helps even one other mama who is going / has been through the same struggle, then it is worth sharing!

 

Believe it or not, I recently hit 9 months of alcohol sobriety. 9 months, 1 week, 4 days, and 5 minutes,  according to my tracker, to be exact…

Time has literally been flying…Where did it all go?

Overall, I have been lucky. I’ve been able to navigate holidays, my birthday, cookouts, and really stressful situations without reaching for a drink.

 

 

Most days were easy, but I find now that it’s those fun memories of drinking…remembering the moments when a glass of rum and coke seemed to physically melt away any stress (or so I thought), those times spent laughing and drinking away the holidays with my family, or enjoying rum punch on the beach while roasting away in the sun…THOSE memories seem to sneak up on me, and that awful little voice in my head whispers:

“if you have just one, you will be fine!”

or, “you can handle yourself, you know better now!”

When these feelings start to creep into my conscience, I remind myself of one thing:

Once I started drinking, I wasn’t able to control the amount I would drink.

Mixed with a high tolerance for alcohol that only compounded itself over the years, one drink, for me, would never, ever be enough.

I love the following saying (I actually just learned it’s a song!) as it fits me perfectly: “One drink is one too many, and a thousand drinks is never enough.” Too many times, before I began my sobriety, I would fool myself into thinking that I would just have one drink, and with that, the slippery slope into a drunken stupor would follow, with one drink turning into five, or worse.

And we aren’t talking occasional binges here. This was every. single. night. One drink would never ‘cure the ail’ so to speak. And I would just keep drinking, searching desperately for something at the bottom of a bottle that doesn’t exist (oh wait….numbness and unconciousness can definitely be found at the bottom of a bottle!!)

So I simply remind myself that I had a hard time stopping my alcohol consumption once I would start, and that’s a pretty dangerous game to play, given the fact that alcohol is a carcinogen, toxin, and if consumed enough, a poison. Yikes!

Besides, waking up hungover, headaches, throwing up, having the spins, blacking out for certain portions of the night, becoming an angry drunk because of unresolved deep shit, not being able to carry on normal intellectual conversations, paranoia, depression, anxiety, and not being present for my family….all of those side effects that happen during and after drinking, just aren’t worth it for me.

So realizing that I can’t control the amount I drink once I start, and being okay with that, and finding solace in that rather than running from it, and most importantly realizing that I am stronger for accepting this fact about myself has been really empowering for me as I live my life free from alcohol.

 

P.S. If you need help with beginning your sobriety or are finding it hard to stay the course, I found this book by Annie Grace helped me immensely. I read this book several times at the start of my sobriety journey to help me break the chains that alcohol had on my life. 

Affiliate disclaimer: some links in my blog posts will take you to products that I love and highly recommend. If you purchase from these links, I may receive a commission, which helps support my family.

10 thoughts on “That One Thing I Tell Myself When I Feel The Urge To Have A Drink

  1. I am familiar with the song you mentioned. It is a good one. I quit 8 days ago and although I have 10 beers in the frig, I know if I started that 10 beers would not be enough. A quote I live by is that it’s not the 10th beer that would get me drunk but the first. I am really enjoying being sober. Better sleeping is enough reason for me.

    1. Hey Kathy!
      Kudos to you on 8 days of sobriety! I found the first week was the toughest, and you are already past that point at 8 days in. That is exactly what I always remind myself, 1 would be too many, 10 would never be enough….nothing can calm the alcohol monster, for sure. And 10 beers in the fridge with no desire to touch them shows your resolve to change for good! I recently threw out a botle of rum (that used to be my drink of choice) that sat on our counter for well over a year. We kept it for when my parents would come over, but then it got to the point where it was just sitting there and no one was drinking it (my hubby rarely drank and then quit for good when I did to help support me on my journey), and so I poured it down the drain. Something about pouring it down the drain felt amazing! Sending good vibes and well wishes to you on your journey!

      1. Thank you for your response Martina.
        To partially quote you, something about having the beer in the frig is amazing. I like seeing it there. It’s a constant reminder that alcohol no longer controls me. It’s a great feeling.

        Wishing you the best life ever.

        1. Thanks Kathy! Same to you, and I’m so glad to hear your sobriety journey is going well. It’s wonderful to finally break the hold of alcohol and find your freedom! Wishing you success and an amazing life as well!

      1. Hi Valerie,

        Thanks so much! I hope sharing my story provides not only accountability for myself on my sobriety journey but inspiration for others as well to start, or stay sober for another day. Thanks for visiting.

  2. I am 7 days without alcohol after a 3 year love affair with beer,then Pinot Grigio, and ending with vodka. I have attempted to moderate myself a number of times and even quit for a month a couple times…but in the end I always found a reason to come crawling back to booze….my question is, when you first quit did you find yourself trying to convince yourself that since you were “able to quit this time, you can drink again…someday.”

    1. Hey Melanie,

      Congrats on your alcohol sobriety! this journey we are on is tough, but life is so much better without alcohol. To answer your question, no that didn’t happen to me at first. My resolve to stay sober for the first few months was strong, and I rarely thought about alcohol. Months into it, however, I found myself trying to convince myself that perhaps maybe someday I would be able to drink “normal” again. That’s actually how this blog post came about…I realized that I had to remind myself that when I drank, things would always go from bad to worse, and for me there can never be any moderation. I now know that I can never drink alcohol again, and I am totally okay with that. Thinking about your question got me realizing that I literally treat my sobriety as the only cure to what I consider a life threatening allergic reaction. Alcohol truly will take me down (and my family down) if I give it the opportunity to do so, so I know that drinking, at least for me, can never be an option again in my life. I hope this answers your question….Good luck on your journey!

  3. Hi Martina,
    I have never left a comment on anyone’s blog posts, but for some reason I really relate to you. I too have 4 kids and started drinking when they were young. Now my youngest is 11 and my drinking has become something I am not proud of, ashamed of actually. I will be 4 weeks sober on Monday, and have my first session with a therapist this morning. I will be following your blog and I thank you for sharing your story. DDD

    1. Hey Deirdre,

      Thanks so much for visiting. Congratulations on 4 weeks of sobriety! Those first few days and weeks are tough but it definitely gets easier (mostly) each day. I hope all went well with your therapy session too! I will be 2 years sober tomorrow!!! Can’t believe it.

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