I’m 100 Days into my alcohol sobriety journey as I write this…..WOOOHOOO!!!!!! (pops open a bottle of Pellegrino 😉 )
Depending on how you look at it, 100 days might seem like a crazy long time, or it might seem like nothing. I know in the first few days of my journey, 100 days sounded so far away…unattainable almost. Yet here I am! So what have I learned so far?
1) Sober emotions can be a bitch.
Literally. And that’s okay. I get angry. I lose my shit. I’ve laughed so hard I start feeling overwhelmed like I might start crying as well (a sad cry, not happy cry!) I get caught up in my emotions still. But I refuse to turn to back to alcohol to work through the ups, downs, and normalcy of life.
2) I haven’t been in a constant zen like state since finding sobriety.
I’ve had a few aha moments (and sheer anger when reading about stuff like this!!!) but overall I’m still the awkward, introverted, (anxiety-filled) me. Maybe a bit calmer (just a teensy bit.) But I’m still me, working through all my “stuff.” (Yep, still guilty of falling asleep during my meditations…nothing’s changed!!!)
3) Dealing with my anxiety sober has been an interesting struggle.
At times, I find my spirit stirring so much from my angst and uneasiness that I literally find myself unable to sit still. I’m still weighing whether I should seek professional help with my postpartum anxiety this time around (I did see a therapist to deal with my postpartum depression and anxiety after having baby number 3, which was super helpful.) But I have found that sitting with and at least accepting how I am feeling at that current time beats reaching for a glass of something to calm my nerves. Each and every time.
4) It’s surprisingly easy to begin appreciating the small things again.
The stuff that brings joy. Like hearing my 2 year old son Cecil sing his favorite lullaby (beautifully) to his baby sister Alorabelle to help calm her down when she is crying. Priceless. I get all up in my feelings when I witness this stuff and it makes my heart melt. When I drank, the focus was to get through the day to “relax” with alcohol after the kids were to bed. I wonder, how many joy-filled moments were missed over the years because I just raced through the days to get my nightly “release” from alcohol?
5) My sobriety is way bigger than me.
I think of all the ways NOT drinking anymore is positively affecting not only my physical, mental, and emotional health and wellbeing, but my kids and my husband’s as well. This decision to remove something from my life that was so intertwined in it yet no longer serving a purpose seemed like a huge deal, yet was such a physically small act. A choice. Every day, I choose not to drink. One small choice everyday to remain sober. Despite how small and simple the decision seems, I can’t help but think what a huge positive impact this will have on my family and our legacy for generations.